i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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