In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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