honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
