did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
