I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
