2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if only i could text you this smell
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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