yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Oh god it's open bar.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
