ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I forget how to act sober
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