It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
home. puking in laundry basket.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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