lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
