I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
