from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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