I love black thongs
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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