Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
