I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
