you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
