i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
