Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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