Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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