Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
