New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
