Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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