I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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