So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
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