the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
