I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
