I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Randomize
