I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Green mimosas i think yes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
