do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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