At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I checked into jail on foursquare
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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