either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
