haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
True college students do jello shots in the library
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
