You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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