the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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