Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Vodka?
Forever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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