that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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