She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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