she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
