so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
