Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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