I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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