look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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