is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize