I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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