I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
