we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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