i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
