you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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