you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
