Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
