burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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