it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Sext me about skeletons
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
