This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
