I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize