so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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