Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
