Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
