My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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