evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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