I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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