There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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