i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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