I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
