I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
