I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
