so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
