Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It's Friday. Sex?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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